Kung Food Chu’s AmerAsia

4/5 stars

This quirky chinese restaurant takes drinking seriously, which I respect a lot in in my non-driving food establishments.
After finding the huge binder of beers underneath the table glass, our waiter stopped by and asked if we needed help.
Me: "We're looking for the most amount of alcohol in exchange for the least amount of mo---
Him: "Anderson Valley Brother Davids Triple. 10%. $6."
Me: "I'll take 3." 

That's the last thing I remember. 

Just kidding - the food is also very tasty, though the menu can be tricky to follow. Both waiters were servicing us at the same time, so we asked them both for their opinions, which allowed us to calibrate for human error. I'd recommend you do the same.
The Dragon's Breath Wontons are ferociously tasty AND named after my favorite chinese mammal. Huge bonus.
The Matt Chu's Special is what would happen if Colonel Sanders ever tried making Chinese food. 

This restaurant as a whole is "Kung Fu" themed, but they also have a "Kung Fu Panda" poster on the wall, which tells you how seriously they take themselves. This would be like if Delta tried to promote flights to Africa by mass-emailing their customers a trailer for Madagascar 4. 

If you're looking for pretty good Chinese food, craft beer, and NYC quirk, then Amerasia is your dream come true.

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Alfio’s Buon Cibo

3/5 stars

Alfio's is in the spot that was previously occupied by Poco a Poco.  For those of you who don't know which spot I'm talking about, google it. For those of you who don't have google, #whatareyoudoingwithyourlife

Now on to the part that may actually affect your culinary choices. 

FOOD
To me, this is always BY FAR the most important part. Here's what I tasted/heard reactions about from friends:
1) Fried Zucchini with Goat Cheese and Pesto - very tasty. But then again, if you're frying something and it's NOT very tasty, then #whatareyoudoingwithyourlife
2) Herbed Goat Cheese Ravioli - for those of who notice things, you'll notice that Goat Cheese is a buzz word when I narrow down a menu. But a GC* appetizer followed by a GC* entree is more GC than most baby goats produce annually.**
*Goat Cheese
**National Geographic
Also, the edges were harder than I prefer. I don't know if that means they were undercooked or overcooked, but according to anything, it means something. 
3) Bruschetta - we got half and half of the Bruschetta dish listed on the menu with the Sausage Bruschetta dish listed as a special. The Sausage Bruschetta is, indeed, special; the vegetarian counterpart is more like a Cheese Bread, but an easy crowd pleaser. 
4) Skirt Steak with Argentine Relish - I didn't try this personally, but my friend said this was his favorite thing he tried. And he's what I would call a "foodie."
5) Argentine Chili - both of the other people at my table tried this and neither commented one way or the other. Take that for what you want.

DESSERT
Out of the Deconstructed Crème Brûlée Bonbon, Nutella Pie, and Zuccotto Cake, your best bet is with the Creme Brulee or the Nutella Pie. But I've told you before and I'll tell you again: if you're using Nutella as an ingredient and your dish is not phenomenal, then #whatareyoudoingwithyourlife

WHAT I LEARNED
1) I should get the Seafood Canneloni next time. I was eyeing it for a while, but made a slip of the tongue when it was my turn to order. "It's ok," I keep telling myself. "Mistakes like this build character."   
2) You may have had this conversation with yourself before going to Alfio's: "Argentina and Italy? Those countries don't share a border, let alone a chef." I learnt that the chef's grandparents and parents are from Italy, but he himself grew up in Argentina.
3) Meeting the chef makes it hard to not like a restaurant.

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Tucker’s Restaurant

4/5 Stars

Tucker's is in an "urban" part of town, yet the in-restaurant patrons were all descendants of Caucasia. Neon's is in a similar neighborhood and also attract this same demographic; however, their patron demographic can be explained by their music (classic rock, which is kryptonite to the uhh urban crowd).  My point is, I don't have a good explanation for why Tucker's, which is in a predominantly African-American neighborhood, has only white patrons. It doesn't really matter; I just like to have a reason for everything, and if you have one, send it my way.

More important than crowd color is, of course, food flavor. I can only vouch for the French Toast and the Turkey Sausage, as those are the only dishes my mouth tasted. Both were delicious and cheap (French Toast = $5.99, Turkey Sausage = $2.50). Keep in mind that this price range doesn't buy you quality ingredients (Pure Maple Syrup, Ketchup w/o High Fructose Corn Syrup, etc); it does buy, though, a satisfying brunch.

You may also be interested to know that our party of 2 arrived at noon on a Saturday and were able to sit immediately. But we got the last open booth, so that may have been lucky.

My favorite part was seeing that Mr. and Mrs. Tucker (the owners) were doing the cooking themselves. It was like seeing Steve Jobs behind the Apple Genius Bar, except better.

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Abigail Street

5/5 stars

Note: my restaurant ratings are derived from the following formula:
Tastiness - 100%
Service - 0%
Patron Attractiveness - 0%
Attentiveness to Water refills - 0%

You do the math.  
I was with a table of 6, and shared all dishes. Below, they are ranked in terms of tastiness (to me):

1) Seafood Paella - this isn't listed on their online menu, so don't know what it's exactly called, but if you ask for the "seafood paella dish" they should know what you're talking about. It's phenomenal.
2) Lamb Sliders - it makes sense that this dish is so tasty at a restaurant targeting  middle eastern food for americans. Middle East is the world's best for lamb, and America is the world's (only) for sliders. We ended up getting 2 more orders of this dish.
3) Grilled Octopus - who knew you could make Octopus sausage? Abigail Street did, and they did it very well. 
4) Mozza Dani - again, these people know their lamb, though, this dish was a little too sweet for my taste buds. The meat, still, is extremely well cooked.  
5) Pan Roasted Cod - I call this a middle eastern fusion restaurant, but they prefer the term "mediterranean" (it's comparatively similar to the difference between "midget" and "little people"). Anyway, Mediterranean is a sea, which means there's fish in there, which means this dish is delicious (though not the best cod you'll ever have).
6) Gnocchi - tasty and fresh, but again, you can find better gnocchi elsewhere in the city
7) Chicken Dish - Not listed on online menu, so don't know the exact name, but this genre of restaurant is not going to specialize in chicken.  

Don't be discouraged by the dishes bottoming out my rankings; they're still of very high quality, just not the best things that this restaurant has to offer. Everything they brought out was piping hot and had just been placed in the serving container - as a former waiter, I can respect how hard it is to time this right. They brought each dish out as it became ready instead of bringing it all together, which ensured there was no dish left behind for the cooling gods to abuse. 

One more thing to note - we got there at 620pm on a Saturday and waited for an hour for a table even though there was nobody in front of us on the list. We were told that most tables had JUST sat down; when planning your arrival, consider typical times that people go to eat, so you can time your meal in between table rotations.  

Abigail Street - be mine?

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Ludlow Bromley Yacht Club

4/5 stars

The Ludlow Bromley Yacht Club is already one of my favorite places in Cincinnati, and I've only been there once.  When you want to show out-of-town guests (who are not from poor-rich river towns) something they haven't seen before, take them to the LBYC.   

First of all, the LBYC was packed on a Sunday, which is rare for any place in Sabbath-Savoring Cincinnati. Granted, there just happened to be a "Bikini contest" happening, but that seemed to only appeal to those interested in both bikinis AND contests; this mainly meant older men with traveling wives. One thoughtfully yelled to a scantily-dressed contestant, "Your mother would be proud of you!" Maybe that was her father yelling. 

The real charm about this place, though, comes from the contradiction between its concept and culture. When you think about yacht clubs, you imagine sweater vests, white pants, and umbrellas in martinis.  When you get to THIS yacht club, you see white beaters, cut-off jean shorts, and buckets of canned beer. Class Class Class. 

For food, I had the Grilled Ham and Cheese, which was good, but no Tom+Chee.  It's best food put forth is probably its burgers, but I didn't have a chance to try them.
There were no drink specials, but a bucket of CANNED coors light was $12, and that was priced at retail. 

It's super casual, very cheap, and sits on a bouncing dock at river level. LBYC is far from the highway, though, so if you're coming to check it out, you've committed for the night. That'll be just fine, as you long as you bring your overalls and your fun face.

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