Ché

5/5 stars

A lot of people don't know that "Che" is short for Cheese, a milk derivative Mr. Guevara fought hard to defend. It also so happens to be the secret ingredient in these empanada parties that Che! hosts in your mouth. 

This longer-than-most OTR restaurant/bar is appropriately situated in between Vine St (Yuppie Foodie Avenue) and Main St (Hipster Grunge Block). And they've successfully "Bakersfielded" in between -- that is, found a balance between good food and fun bar, though with an intentionally divier feel. So while their Ruby Tuesday lampshades license you to spend less than in a Bakersfield, the Ruby Tuesday lampshades also license you to get drunker than in a Bakersfield.  
This bluer collar ambience was honestly a pleasant surprise; the owner's other restaurant is in Hyde Park Square, where patrons ride in on horse carriages.

Here's what else you need to equip your lips with when selling your friends on giving this a visit: 

1) Che's Butternut Squash soup is honestly one of the tastiest things my tastebuds have tasted since my Momma sailed me away. Glad the raft landed on the shores of this liquid paradise. 
2) Out of the 3 Empanadas I tried, De Espinaca was my favorite. But it was also the first, and heat loss accounted heavily for taste loss. Imagine running across an Indiana Jones bridge with each plank falling away as you skip onwards - that's what eating these is like, so if you have time, order one at a time. 
(FYI - I also tried Queso y Cebolla - was worried that "Cebolla" meant "horse," but luckily it's just "onion.")
Last was the Shrimp Scampi, which sounds and tasted like a discontinued Bagel Bite flavor.
All were fried and oily and lovely, like the kind of stall food you'd find at a Hispanic State Fair. 
3) Music was on some Bob Marley Pandora station -- reggae while eating Argentinian food confused some, but I personally liked it. Just in case, they do have Touchtunes, which is bittersweet for people like me who spend more monthly on Touchtunes than groceries. 
4) Holler@che.com for having daily drink/happy hour specials - Wed was $3 Jameson (Mon=$5 Malbecs, Tues=Industry night, Thurs=$4 drafts, Fri=$3 Fireball, Sat/Sun=$5 bloodys/$4 mimosas)
Also, holler@yourbackyard.com for having a great outdoor patio -- it feels like Kreuger's rooftop, and like Kreuger's, is sanitary-dive-bar busy. 
5) They did bring out a Lentil soup by accident, to which the waitress reacted "it's amateur hour back there" and left it for keeps.
I got takeout the next day to test if the food was for real or all a dream; it's for real, but they messed up the order. Ok fine, and the outside of the box was oiled up, like sponge authorities in a Mariah Carey music video. 
So yes, the staff is a little sloppier than Vine St, but they're also more fun. If you're looking for perfection, then I know you're not fun. So please don't fax me to hang out, like ever.

I'll be back, for sheezy believe me. Maybe even for a slumber party - I think I could be happy here from first snack to last call.

Read the Original Post

Carabello Coffee

4/5 stars

I think this is the most reviewed spot in Greater Cincinnati that's still filling up all 5 stars -- not surprising since it's always filled up. Let me tell you why people love this place, and why it doesn't quite have all my love:

1) LOVE - that their slogan, "Coffee and Compassion in Tandem" is embodied by a full Tandem bicycle on the back wall. +2 for the 2 riders who rode it up there. 
2) LOVE - that they took a chance on the location. It's not the best neighborhood, and I'm not sure if they were first, but the only nearby business I know of is NewCov Crossfit.  I can only imagine those Crossfitters stomping in and thumping their fists on the counter: "ME HUNGRY. ME WANT PALEO COFEE BURGER." 
3) LOVE - that people love this place. Carabello has 6-7 two-person tables, a few larger group tables, and a coffee bar with stools. On a Sat afternoon, about half of the two-person tables and all of the larger group tables were occupied. 
4) DON'T LOVE - that people love this place. The study group tables were a little too rowdy for my liking. So it's a good place to socialize, but not good if you're coming to work on your novel about knitting. 
5) LOVE - that each table has fresh flowers, freshly sourced from not nearby
6) DON'T LOVE - that the accompanying chairs look borrowed from a Frisch's Big Boy. 
7) LOVE - that the chairs don't wobble. Even for a.......big boy. 
8) LOVE - that they have multiple employees, like 3, which is 2 more than most independent coffee shops.
9) LOVE - that one of those employees unsolicitedly offered water to accompany my coffee. 
10) DON'T LOVE - that a small coffee was $2.75, the soon-to-be cost of gas
11) DO LOVE - that it tasted much better than gas. Also, that they have more options than Coffee Emporium or Starbucks. 
12) DON'T LOVE - that they have more options than Coffee Emporium/Starbucks. It makes it harder to choose and they all sound the same. But I chose the brew from Peru, mainly because it's the closest on the map to Colombia. And coffee is 1 of 2 things that Colombia does best ;) 
13) DON'T LOVE - that their storage was publicly visible, which made it feel like your messy grandma's extra bedroom. 
14) DO LOVE - that they're actively fulfilling their slogan -- the owners globally source their coffee themselves (see photo) and are active humanitarians. And you can never get that mad at a humanitarian, unless you've drank too much coffee.

Read the Original Post

E + O Kitchen

4/5 stars

Every time I see this place's name, my mind's lips sing "Old Macdonald had a farm, E-I E-I O!"
And on that farm he had grassfed fish......or at least did E+O Kitchen, a seafood haven for seafood mavens.  FINALLY, a spot that sources seafood from not the Ohio River.

Here's what to expect, in an order as unfriendly as the Rookwood parking lot:

1) Speaker volume says "I like music"; genre selection says "I don't like rap music." 
2) White wood ceiling makes it feel like a Cape Cod country club and the jungle-covered wall is reminiscent of a Rainforest Cafe.  Together they attracted a diverse audience, from white couples to Indian families (guess which liked which). 
3) Even the menu is diverse -- Asian AND Latin fare, 2 regions that are not typically texting buddies.  I was worried that combining them meant it'd be all Sushi Chalupas this and Ramen Gorditas that, but luckily these restaurant revolutionaries kept the house divided
(Japanese yakitori sits on one side of the menu and the Latin ceviche on the other, just like our foodie forefathers intended.) 
4) For $5, their Edamame quantity is Edamanly. But the house still wins, because de-stringing these shells requires you take their sewing class.
5) Considering the softness of their seats and the realness of their napkins, E+O is surprisingly affordable.  But that doesn't mean they can get away with having...
...6) NO HAPPY HOUR. I applaud that E+O priced their food like the OTR walk-in closet spots they're competing with. But E+O has space to seat a symphony, which means they have space to seat a happy hour. 
7) But enough about my favorite price (free), let's talk about food. 

----If you like sushi, order the Dragon's Breath roll.  They basically wrapped the whole Finding Nemo cast into a cast of rice and instantly became my mouth's favorite movie. 
----Now if you like your sushi with football Sundays, hit up that Great White roll. (Listen closely after each potato chip crunch, and you can hear a sumo-shaped chef somewhere crying into origami paper.)  
----And if you're not about that seafood, they have wagyu beef to wagyur tailfeather.
----GET THAT MOCHI, code for Turkish Delight ice cream. It's $2 - you're losing money every minute you're NOT eating it. And don't make the race mistake of ordering Green tea flavor because it's the most Asian-sounding. The real winner here is strawberry. 
(I was surprised too; almost as much as when my Vietnamese manicurist showed me photos from the rodeo).

What I'm trying to say is that "Old Macdonald had a farm, E-I E-I uh ohhhhhhhhhh"
                                                                                          --Nelly

Read the Original Post

Hoja de Té

4/5 stars

I walked by what my ears assumed were a nightclub day-scrub only to turn and see a dimly lit tea room.  High tea and black rap, a combination held under water by every british woman named Victoria or Elizabeth; that is......until now.
If you're thinking, "oh, rap music in a tea room? I can see some Matcha matching well with some Tribe Called Quest."
This isn't Tribe - this is Fetty Wap and 2 Chainz. The only problem is the sound is distributed through a meager pocket speaker usually preferred by gas station attendees.
OTHER CONS
Floor is dirty, but so is the rap
White chairs are dirty, but show me a clean white chair and I'll show you the queen. The kind who would hate this music and also fun.
Tables are wobbly, but that's just the shop playing homage to butts: goo.gl/G7ogc8

AND in case your delicious tea is getting too smooth, they even have hookah (with free replacement coals) to help cough it down.

If you hate happiness, go elsewhere, you'll ruin the vibe here anyway.

Read the Original Post

Urbana Cafe

4/5 stars

Had a chance to check out this pretty place on Opening day (a Saturday, around 4pm). They actually had been secretly open all week, though, which allowed them some time to sweep growing pains under the coffee table.
Here's what to expect: 

1) 2 4-seater tables, surrounded with both chairs and stools (to allow for different back and butt shapes). 
2) Stool-seating at the coffee bar on both floors (yes, there is a small/quieter* balcony).
*3) But that balcony's not so quiet, because something about the ceiling height (or the blind date who was shouting tinder stories at each other's faces, shoutily) made it not so quiet.
4) That's the bad noise. The good noise is the good music they play - namely acoustic latin and ladies whispering over lounge sounds.  Though in between both categories were ads, because Urbana didn't pay the $3.99/month Pandora ad-free fee. 
5) Internet is fast, which comes in handy if you're, like me, are trying to stream Gullah Gullah Island.

Read the Original Post