Liberty Market

4/5 stars

Today, on Day 1 in 107 degree "my face is on fire" Phoenix, also marked my first experience at Liberty Market. Here are all things worth noting, for those of you taking notes. (For those of you not taking notes, I can just text you):

1) The ordering system is similar to a Corner Bakery, in that, you pay first then take a number, then they bring food to your table. What is nice/different, though, is that you get a hard menu to hold in line, instead of having to look up at a board behind the counter. This allows The Indecisive some intimate time alone to analyze and dissect each and every option without the board making their glances feel like they've overstayed their welcome.
2) It's a better value than Panera, who's been sneaking up their prices and making my wallet whine. Places like Liberty Market are fighting back, so one day our kids will say, "Panwhera?" #forced
3) I ordered the Farmer sandwich and a side of Hummus. It should be in the Constitution that hummus should always be served with soft bread, never hard toasty toast. (Note for next time, folks, especially if you want it changed to "Life, Liberty MARKET, and the Pursuit of Happiness"). 
The Farmer sandwich was not as hot as it could've been, probably because of the waiter's poor pickup timing from the kitchen....
...but how long could I stay mad at the waiter when, 4) he gave me free coffee? Or maybe he just gifted the coffee because I looked like I had to poop and he was just trying to push me over the edge...
5) They REALLY won my heart, though, by playing my favorite Oasis song, "Don't Look Back in Anger." It was as if they were spoonfeeding me through my ears.

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O’Bryon’s Bar & Grill

5/5 stars

Note: This rating was given in consideration of O'Bryon's compared to others in its category, such as Cock n Bull, RP McMurphys, and Lulu Lemon. 

Here are a few reasons why O'Bryons has won my heart and sabotaged my sundays:

1) Their Sunday drink special is Jaeger, which makes a statement. One of the best parts about not being a student is that sundays are a free-for-all, though it is tough to find people in Cincinaughty who feel the same way. I'm so thankful for the first time I peeked under the O'bryons blanket and found them all hiding here.
2) The food is definitely above average for a bar - I would certainly come here just for a weekday lunch, without trying to aggressively pregame for afternoon meetings. 
3) And if you're a bad orderer, you won't mind as much because of the wonderfully friendly wait staff, who seem to be enjoy their jobs much more than the clientele pregaming here on Sundays afternoons for Monday morning.
4) If you're trying to drink outside, without doing so in your apartment parking-lot, this is one of your best options in town. AND they have a quirky ritual of throwing your sharktank's shark from the O'Bryons rooftop to some stranger's rooftop. One day, that stranger will finally visit their roof and be inspired to build a jenga set out of toy sharks. Jengark?? No, Sharkenga. NO, Topanga! #boymeetssharkworld
5) I've wrote this before, and I'm not afraid to typewrite it again - between clientele, drink prices, and music, music holds the largest part in my congested bar heart. And O'Bryons delivers - last time, upstairs they were rocking Justin Timberlake pandora, and downstairs what sounded like '98's 2nd greatest songs by one-hit wonder artists. (e.g. instead of playing Mystikal's "Shake ya Ass," they played Mystikal's "Danger." #GodBlessAmerica
7) See #1-6
8) Sorry I blacked out

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Boca

3/5 stars

FULL DISCLOSURE: No bunnies were fluffed in the making of this review

Now for those of you don't speak spanish, Boca means mouth. That tidbit will be of little use to you in ordering, and in life.
What will be of more use to you is to learn from our mistakes, and use the $150 that you would've spent here on your date to go get 150 McChicken sandwiches instead. 
Here's a rundown of (hopefully) useful info from our experience:

1) We checked in at 810pm for our 830pm reservation. At 855pm, we asked about our table, to which they said "we didn't know you were here." You know the saying, "Communication saves relationships"? That's mainly referring to the loving relationship between you and your maitr'd, we should've chirped up sooner. #Bocasbirdcalls
2) As mid-20 yr olds with mismatching socks, we're probably not Boca's target audience. Which is why I was surprised that this place has better music (Beatles etc) and friendlier lighting (75W bulbs) than its allegedly less formal sister, Sotto. 
3) When we asked our waitress the difference between Sotto and Boca, she said "well Sotto is my favorite restaurant..." Boca, please run your staff through 1 hour of sales training. And then through a car wash because, hey, million-hit youtube video.
4) We ordered:
Chatham Bay Cod - it's hard to make this albino fish delicious. 
Seafood Risotto - with Tomato confit. If "Tomato Confit" mean "within the confines of tomato soup," well then fine. 
Lobster & Pea Capellaci - be forewarned that these peas are british mushy peas, the way peas would look if you left them in your pants then left those pants in the laundry then left your laundry on the street. Probably my favorite dish.
Creme Brulee - I swear the Creme Brulee at Joseph Beth's book cafe in Rookwood is better. Breaking through that hardtop shell was harder than a hard-on trying to break through jeans.

SUMMARY/OTHER
1) If you're young and enjoy the OTR restaurants as well as Sotto, but want to try Boca - you don't have to, you're not missing out
2) The cocktails are small and far inferior to Sotto's. If you're not getting wine at Boca, expect the table next to you to tweet about you not getting wine at Boca

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The Eagle OTR

4/5 stars

Star Wars VIII: Bakersfield Boys Strike Again.
Their record remains perfect, aside from some personal preferences. There's a lot to like about this place, starting with the name The Eagle and ending with an eagle's close family-friend in your mouth, Fried Chicken.

1) This is the best fried chicken I've ever had, including fried chicken from my dreams. That honey dipping sauce could be the secret sauce, though I didn't have the balls to try the chicken without a skinny dip in the honey pool. And I thought I'd get skinny on the 1/4 Chicken, but it ended up being almost the perfect size for my stomach. The IDEAL portion for 1 person would be a 3/8 Chicken, even if they make it BYOR (Bring Your Own Ruler).
2) You heard it here first - The Eagle's Mac & Cheese is better than Keystone's, and MAYBE better than Kraft's. I'm still waiting for some survey results from any 6-year old who can eat and think at the same time.
3) The beer selection is ALSO better than Keystone's, with a nice touch of listing IBUs next to each beer. In a perfect world, they'd divide the alcohol content by the price, so I could see a measured "bang for my buck."
One thing that Keystone does better is marking on the menus which beers are out of stock. It was only after the waiter here came back that we found out that 2 of the 4 beers we ordered were not available.
4) Music fits with the theme, though it's not as good as Bakersfield, and it has nothing on my iTunes Top 25 Most Played.
4) Lighting is like Nada but pricing is like Dollar General. The low mood lighting feels contradictory with everything else about this place. One thing Bakersfield does well is that it makes you feel comfortable to come back more than 1x/week. The Eagle's lighting makes me feel the need to tidy up, which is difficult for me to do more than 1x/week, though this fried chicken could be done sometimes all the time every day.

Summary: The Eagle = Keystone lighting/beer x Bakersfield pricing/furniture
Further Summary: Kentucky Fried Eagle

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Moerlein Lager House

3/5 stars

This is being written after my second trip to Lager House, the first being during Opening Week. Considering that a first week experience should always go null and void, and that my last week experience was in a private party room, my opinion lacks scope. So with that in mind, get cozy in your cubicle as I assist you in wasting work time to read this review.

1) The Crab Cakes, which were officially endorsed by my waiter, are pretty good. They're much better than the crab cakes at Cock and Bull, but I bet a better crab cake exists in this city. Still, if I go back to Moerlein, I may get the Crab Cakes again because the rest of the menu is not really my kind of food (that is, highbrow bar food). 
2) The calamari is pretty good too. Again, there's probably better calamari SOMEWHERE but if you're in a squid mood, then get your squid on.

Like the upstanding citizen I am, most of my dinner budget went towards beer, so that concludes my comments on food.
And speaking of beer, the Moerlein OTR is maybe my favorite local one, so it was cool to source it straight from the mother teet that is the Lager House.

I also was highly appreciative of the quirky menu copy - don't let it go unnoticed. Quirky, though, is not how I would describe the clientele, nor the clientele's closest friends. The clientele here seems like they just got out of their Reds suite, or gave up their suite tickets for the day to their Bradley-Cooper-in-Wedding-Crashers brother-in-law. 
As other reviews have noted, the main appeal of this place is the view; the only other restaurant in Cinci that can compete with this view is Prima Vista in Price Hill. 
Also, as previously mentioned, I was here for a private party. And let me tell you - the service for 18 people (4 of which who were in a full blackout), was OUTSTANDING. If you're trying to impress a sizeable group of well-to-do out-of-towners with the "new" Cincinnati, Moerlein Lager House would be a good bet. 
So what are you waiting for? Hit that.

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