3/5 stars
It'd be easier to show mercy to The Mercer if only they were more merciful to my money stack. But due to a complaint filed by my piggy bank, I can't help but stack up the facts against them:
1) Our meals were $50/person - which would be fine if it included drinks. And if the napkins weren't made from 100% recycled fiber.
For that kind of cash, I want liquor on my lips and satin on my lap.
2) The menu lists both Scallops and Ribs* as plural, but are served singular. This false advertising is a lot like offering Scallops and Ribs but serving Scallop and Rib.
Which reminds me, I don't know what an analogy is.
*side note - the Ribs were dipped in Placenta..sorry "polenta". Eww you're gross.
3) The Chicken Saltimbocca is what I imagine Hagrid would order if he were invited to dine with the Queen. Once upon a time, this dish was just meat and potatoes. But this aristocratic kitchen toiled with a classic only to leave the dish dazed and confused.
It basically tastes like Ron Swanson in a sequin dress.
4) The glass block dividers and straw chair seating makes the place feel like a country club's indoor pool cafe. This would be fine if there were heated kiddie pools under the tables to soak my feet and seat my kids.
5) The restaurant is plainly named after its location. Tell me how that's better than David and Victoria Beckham naming their firstborn "Brooklyn" after where he was conceived.
6) If you order a drink at the bar while waiting for your table, you have to pay for it separately instead of being able to add it to your table tab. As someone who freely tweets sweet nothings about Amazon's "Buy Now with One Click", this doesn't sit well in the belly of convenience.
....WITH THAT SAID...
1) The Ricotta appetizer will rock the socks off your hands (assuming your socks are gloves). It's equal parts jam toast, equal parts mouth lust.
2) My Branzino was very tasty, even though this fish sounds like it was named after a rapping magician.
3) Our waiter was extremely good - we asked him if he knew where to get Streudel (dessert from Inglorious Basterds), and without batting an eye or eyeing a bat, he went to ask the head chef and came back with two options in town.
He even asked if we needed anything AFTER we'd already carved our tip in stone. For that kind of service, I'd happily take a brief survey after the call.
And if you'd like to call about my survey on this restaurant, fine but only Facetime.