4/5 stars
Jay-Z famously said, "Excuse me, why are you over here? There are 2 many HOEs in here. Really, honestly, I'm not trying to be rude ma'am, but why don't you go ahead and disappear? There are so many HOEs in here. Just so many."
Nicki Minaj echoed Hov's negativity with her memorable chorus, "You's a stupid HOE. You's a, you's a stupid HOE. Yes, you in the blouse."
If only Jay and Nicki knew that HOE stood for Hang Over Easy, they'd be singing along joyously with this place's patrons. In fact the patrons are one of my favorite parts about this place - they have that undergraduate energy and fireball breath. With a sunday morning side of Never-Drinking-Again.
With that said, I like everything about this place EXCEPT the food. But I'll get to that later, so hold your ponies.
Some positivos/negativos (positives/negatives, for those of you who don't speak spanish):
1) Next to the bathroom is a masterpiece montage storyboard starting with a girl's social ascent through the night, followed by her descent into despair, and concluding with her alcohol's ascent from her mouth. It's truly beautiful.
2) Amongst the 40 beer taps sits 1 Jameson tap. And as someone who routinely signs bar tabs with "Jameson" when they're too stupid to remember their own name, it's nice to know that there are others.
3) HOE has the best Sunday hours of all Cinci establishments not named TJ Maxx.
BUT
4) The service is inconsistent, especially if you sit outside. So if you do, remember to Bring Your Own Megaphone.
5) The food. Well, it's medium-good, but if medium-good sounds great to you, then wonderful, your life standards are sure to turbo-boost you into the grease-clogged heart of Mediocrity. No hard feelings.
Here's what I've tried here, ranked from tastiest to fartiest:
1. Bacon Fat Fries - not so different from regular fries, but that dipping sauce will make your bottom lip dip to your hip in shock and awe.
That dipping sauce could also very well be mayonnaise.
2. Breakfast Bomber - aka the breakfast boner.
3. Fried Oyster Po Boy - very tasty, but not conducive to fixing headaches or Ostraconophobia (common-phobias.com/Ostra…) (inside joke between me and oysters).
4. Dirty Sanchez - looks delicious on the outside, but filled with potatoes on the inside. The opposite of your ugly sweetheart friend.
5. Greek Omelet - no better than your hotel omelet, but no worse than your butthole
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